I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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