I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
