just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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