Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
