youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
