Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You're like the curious george of whores
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
