now i know why i became what i already was.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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