i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think I am morally bankrupt
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
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