I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
