We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
