I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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