Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
my liver is dry heaving
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
