I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
