So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
