no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
