I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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