everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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