That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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