Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
