We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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