Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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