dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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