You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
