I wish I could punch you in the face.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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