btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
