O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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