I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
