we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
