Got a toothbrush?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
