my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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