I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
