Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
