wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
