i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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