last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
