so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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