3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
