a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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