The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i love accidental penises.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
