but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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