This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
