HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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