Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
