i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just saw a hot homeless man
it wasn't lemon gatorade
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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