need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
