Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
