Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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