wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
