my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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