4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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