Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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