im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
