watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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