the condom got lost in my hair
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
