Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
