Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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