is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
